Fuck Yeah Black Books

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Nov 10
“You see, most modern technology doesn’t work. It’s supposed to free you, but it’s a terrible trap, of course. Mobile phones for example - everybody has one now. I have one and they’re awful. They’ve completely ruined, I mean, people ring you up and say “Hi, it’s me, I’m in the bath!” and you go “Well, you’re still an asshole, I hope you drown, hello.” And they’ve completely dispensed with the whole drama of news, the simple idea of having something to relate, you know. When you could bound in from the garden and pick up the old Bakelite phone that weighted seven pounds and say “MIRRIAM’S DEAD”. You can’t do that anymore. You’re probably there! (pantomiming being on phone) Yes, her heads rolling back, spits coming out, her eyes are going everywhere, here I’ll take a picture - click - you see what I mean. Sheeee’s fucked.” Dylan Moran - on mobile phones. (via dailydoseofdylanmoran)


Nov 9

S03E01, 'Manny Come Home'

  • Manny: Well, I’ll be off then, since it’s all over between us. I’ll write.
  • Bernard: I won’t read it.
  • Manny: Well, I’ll call.
  • Bernard: I’ll hang up.
  • Manny: Well, I’ll come and see you.
  • Bernard: I’ll be dead by then.

“So much adult conversation is just a bunch of lies! You spend so much time being polite to people, turning up and saying: ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, so sorry, I’m late. There was a traffic oh, awful. And I had to perform a trecotomy on a camel, with err… just using the garden sheers, it was very, very difficult, very very sorry.’ You should just be HONEST with these people. Come in and say ‘Errr, I knew you were here. Did you know where I was? I was at home, I had a bun! And it was delicious, because I knew you were waiting! I’ve never really liked you. But we have to get through this meeting… Can I get a drink please? Just so that I don’t have to look at you too much.’” Dylan Moran (via dailydoseofdylanmoran)

"He’s bending down now, ah, look, he’s getting up again - I knew he’d do  that.  Look, now he’s going up on that little ladder, up he goes with that little wiggle  of his, the wiggle of Judas, the Judas boogie."
S03E01, ‘Manny Come Home’

"He’s bending down now, ah, look, he’s getting up again - I knew he’d do that.  Look, now he’s going up on that little ladder, up he goes with that little wiggle of his, the wiggle of Judas, the Judas boogie."

S03E01, ‘Manny Come Home’


S03E01, 'Manny Come Home'

  • Manny: Look Bernard, it doesn’t have to be like this if you would just apologise.
  • Bernard: What, you mean you’d come back and work in the shop, everything would be normal?
  • Manny: Yes.
  • Bernard: You’d cook and clean and surprise me every now and again with those profiteroles you make if I took you to the pictures at Christmas?
  • Manny: Yes.
  • Bernard: And all I have to do to get that back is say sorry?
  • Manny: That’s exactly what I’m saying.
  • Bernard: I thought so…Get out!

“The cookery programmes that everybody watches are… ridiculous, as so are the house programmes. You know, you do not NEED a fish tank in the atrium you haven’t got. And, people coming round they… fell under pressure to perform in their lives. Who has the time though? Who really has the time to skin the baby rabbit, and dip in the ducks tears and nail it to the garden roof and get to work with the blow torch so it has just the right texture, so it matches your squash that morning, using just your elbows. Who has the time? Nobody lives like this! We go around thinking that everybody else does, you know? Because what happens is you come in from work, and you think… maybe at most, if you’re getting very adventurous, you will think TONIGHT, we will eat something that has two colours in it. BUT YOU DON’T! You end up sitting in front of the television, watching these programmes, eating bread from the bag, dipping it in anything runnier than bread, because there’s isn’t time for this horse shit!” Dylan Moran - on cookery programmes (via dailydoseofdylanmoran)

Nov 8
"I took a risk when I employed you  Manny.  Don’t eat muffins when I’m  developing you.  I took a risk when  I gave you a job, a lot of people would have said  Who  is this rudder-less hippie? How do I get away from him? Does he have a hunting  knife strapped to his shin?, but I saw through that, but you have to work for  me, OK?"
S03E01, ‘Manny Come Home’

"I took a risk when I employed you Manny.  Don’t eat muffins when I’m developing you.  I took a risk when I gave you a job, a lot of people would have said  Who is this rudder-less hippie? How do I get away from him? Does he have a hunting knife strapped to his shin?, but I saw through that, but you have to work for me, OK?"

S03E01, ‘Manny Come Home’



“I really don’t like Bernard at all - he’s a dreadful character. As him, my face hardens and I wear a permanent vinegar-puss look. I’m like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.” Dylan Moran, on Bernard Black

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