November 2009
38 posts
“You see, most modern technology doesn’t work. It’s supposed to free you, but...”
– Dylan Moran - on mobile phones. (via dailydoseofdylanmoran)
S03E01, 'Manny Come Home'
Manny: Well, I’ll be off then, since it’s all over between us. I’ll write.
Bernard: I won’t read it.
Manny: Well, I’ll call.
Bernard: I’ll hang up.
Manny: Well, I’ll come and see you.
Bernard: I’ll be dead by then.
“So much adult conversation is just a bunch of lies! You spend so much time being...”
– Dylan Moran (via dailydoseofdylanmoran)
S03E01, 'Manny Come Home'
Manny: Look Bernard, it doesn’t have to be like this if you would just apologise.
Bernard: What, you mean you’d come back and work in the shop, everything would be normal?
Manny: Yes.
Bernard: You’d cook and clean and surprise me every now and again with those profiteroles you make if I took you to the pictures at Christmas?
Manny: Yes.
Bernard: And all I have to do to get that back is say sorry?
Manny: That’s exactly what I’m saying.
Bernard: I thought so…Get out!
“The cookery programmes that everybody watches are… ridiculous, as so are the...”
– Dylan Moran - on cookery programmes (via dailydoseofdylanmoran)
“I really don’t like Bernard at all - he’s a dreadful character. As...”
– Dylan Moran, on Bernard Black
“It’s a reaction against the perfectness of things like Friends, I have a...”
– Dylan Moran, on Black Books
“Bill outdoes people by opening a packet of crisps and looking out the window and...”
– Dylan Moran, on Bill Bailey
S02E06 - 'A Nice Change'
Fran: I'd better kip here so we'll all be together. Can I have your bed?
Bernard: Yeah.
Fran: Got any bin-liners?
Bernard: In the kitchen.
Fran: And Dettol?
Manny: Under the sink.
Fran: Ajax?
Manny: Yep. Here.
Fran: Thanks.
Manny: Are you really... actually... going to get in the bed?
Fran: Yeah...
Manny: Right. Umm, better take these (hands Fran some bananas)
Fran: No, I'm not hungry, thanks.
Manny: No it's not for you. Just... chuck them under the bed.
Fran: Wha... what... what's under the bed?
Manny: Dunno. We just call it "The Thing".
S02E05 - 'Hello Sun'
Fran: You are being irrational. The only thing that is going to bring you inner peace is-
Bernard: Stop talking goo. The only thing that's going to bring me inner peace is a beard-seeking missile.
S02E04 - 'Blood'
Fran: You know, in Tibet, if they want something, do you know what they do? They give something away.
Bernard: Do they. Do they. That must be why they're such a dominant global power.
S02E05 - 'Hello Sun'
Customer: Excuse me?
Bernard: What? What?!
Customer: Do you have anything by Adam Phillips?
Bernard: How would I know? Go to a proper bookshop.
Customer: Look... there's no other way to say this, but I didn't come in here to be insulted.
Bernard: Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. You know, in another life, maybe we could have been brothers, running a small, quirky taverna in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins, instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But, it was not to be. So... hop it.
S02E05 - 'Hello Sun'
Fran: So what's it like then? The fags and booze.
Bernard: Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...you know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think... "this is fantastic. I'm in heaven."
Some general info about Dylan Moran
dailydoseofdylanmoran:
He is 5’ 11” (180 cm)
He is a big fan of the British Singer PJ Harvey.
Some of his favourite authors include J B Morton, Don DeLillo and S J Perelman.
He got married on the same day as Princess Diana’s Funeral in a church just around the corner.
He met his Future wife (Elaine) when he was perfoming at the Gilded Balloon In Edinburgh, where she worked.
He apparently...
“You know, everybody’s prejudiced. I’m riddled with prejudices. I depend on my...”
– Dylan Moran (via dailydoseofdylanmoran)
S02E04 - Blood
Bernard: The shop is the way it is because it is the way it is. If it wasn't the way it is, it wouldn't be the way it is.
Manny: It needs doing.
Bernard: It's charming. It has character.
Manny: Character is an ambience. A feeling. It's not something with fur and a beak.
S02E04 - Blood
Manny: I've been to the shops. That deserves a star.
Bernard: No! Stars are for achievement. My fortieth cigarette this afternoon. That deserves a star.
S02E04 - Blood
Bernard: Perhaps you'd like me to put the price down.
Customer: Well, I was thinking two pounds.
Bernard: Because three pounds is just naked profiteering? For a book, a mere... 912 pages long? What'll I do with that extra pound? I'll add an acre to the grounds. I'll chuck some more koi carp in my piano-shaped pond. No, I know, I'll build a wing on the National Gallery with my name on it.
Customer: Two pounds fifty.
Bernard: That's more like it. Now you're being reasonable. Two pounds fifty gets you (rips pages out) this much. The rest when you come back with the other 50p.
Customer: But...
Bernard: Thank you!
99 followers...
Can you handle the suspense? I know I can’t.
October 2009
98 posts
97!
C’mon!
96...
ohmygah:
fuckyeahblackbooks:
(By the way, I have no idea what I’m going to do when it actually hits 100. Maybe I’ll draw you guys a crappy picture on Paint or something.)
By reblogging, I will hold you to this. Please ensure lots of luls and mad skillz in your picture.
Oh god, pressure much?? I will do my best, and if it’s a bit crap, well…that’s sort of in the spirit of...
S02E03 - The Fixer
Bernard: What did he say? The midget?
Manny: He wasn't called a mid-
Bernard: He's a MIDGET. A tiny midget.
Manny: What if he ever heard?
Bernard: He won't! His ears are too small!
96...
(By the way, I have no idea what I’m going to do when it actually hits 100. Maybe I’ll draw you guys a crappy picture on Paint or something.)
95...
S02E03 - The Fixer
Manny: We're not quitters!
Bernard: I am a quitter! I come from a long line of quitters! It's amazing I'm here at all!
Manny: He's just an urchin. A foundling. We can teach him!
Bernard: We can't teach him! Look at that face! I bet his cornflakes tried to crawl out of the bowl!
